Showing posts with label stream of consciousness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stream of consciousness. Show all posts

Thursday, 28 July 2016

Stream of Consciousness - my first Pilates class

Before Class

"Ok, ok, so this seems ok. I've found the studio, the other ladies are non-threatening. This will be fine!"
"A mat, I need a mat. In the corner, at the back."
"Holy mother of...these mats are unruly...and they stink. Can see why everyone brings their own..." 
"Right, I know you're nervous. Let's do a bit of visualisation. I am a calm, serene, stretching goddess."
"Oooh, here's the instructor. She looks fab - see how good Pilates is for you! Glowy!" 

Warm up

"Ok, standing, circling arms. I got this. Remember to breathe in and out. I can do this! Breathing is literally the easiest thing in the world."

Image from Pixabay

During Class

"Any class that involves a predominantly horizontal position isn't going to make me sweat is it!"
"Engage my core? Is that suck my gut in?!" 
"And breathe. At the same time?! That's proving a little difficult." 
"Oooh, apparently engaging your core is more technical that suck belly in. Must remember to ask advice later."
"Is that sweat. Dripping on the mat? It is! I'm sweating...this is not just a glow, I repeat not just a glow. Actual sweat and bucket loads of it."
"My chest is squashing me. I'm not sure this primark sports bra is up to the job of containing them."
"What fresh hell is this? I cannot balance on this few body parts. And breathe. And engage core. At the same time?? Forget difficult, I'm finding this impossible!" Something's got to go."
"Why am I shaking so much? Oh god! Breathe!! I actually forgot to breathe!"
"Now, my core isn't engaged. A single lady core. Probably shouldn't make that joke out loud..."
"No, no, no. I actually can't do that exercise. I'm trying to make my bottom leave the mat but unfortunately it is rooted there." 

Image from Pixabay

End of Class

"Ahhhh, relaxation. Tension in body etc etc. Wait, should I be scrunching up my muscles? Pulling funny faces? Probably best not to fall asleep." 
"Is that it now, is it over?"
"Yes we're all up. Ok, put mat back, thank teacher, leave studio..." 
"I do feel very chilled and pleased. I'll try again next week I think. Although clearly breathing does not come naturally to me. Of all things!"
"Must buy a new sports bra to handle the girls."
"With practise, I will be a serene, stretching goddess. Maybe." 

The Next Morning

"Cannot move. Everything aches..."

Click to find my other stream of consciousness posts

Have a beautiful day, inside and out

Tori xx

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Stream of Consciousness - Passport Photos

So the sad sad time has come to renew my passport. My young, fresh 29-something year old faced photograph is to be no more. It's been a traumatic time, I'll be honest. Here's just some of the thoughts running through my head. 

Stream of Consciousness - Passport Photos

Planning Stage

"Need to do my new passport photos. I'll lose half a stone (from my chin) and then do them." 
"Crap, haven't got time to diet. What's the best angles for the chin of doom?"
"I'll practise in my mirror."
"Bollocks, I need to be face straight on. New pose needed."
"Ugh, can't duck pout either. Neutral expression?! I've got resting bitch face, how am I supposed to manage that?"
"Remember that time you were getting your first adult passport. When the photo booth counted down and your eyebrows just kept getting higher and higher? Yup...startled rabbit in the headlights look for ten years. Don't do that again!"
"Now I've thought it, I'm bound to pull a stupid face."
"Lightbulb moment! Got a curly blow booked in for the races. And a spray tan! I'll do my photos the day after that!" 

The day after the races

"Shit, I'm hungover. I mean, my hair is fabulous and my tan is perfect but I look so tired!" 
"I'll pile the makeup on, that'll work!" 
"How much makeup is too much?"
"If I contour, will the passport officer recognise me when I'm bloated from the plane. Best not. I'll leave the falsies too. Eyebrows though, got to do the brows."
"God I can't get them even! That'll have to do."
"Bronzer, where's the bronzer. Ah- now I look fresher but feel like death." 
"Oh there's a queue. And a screaming child. My head!" 
"Right, made it to the booth. Heads to fuzzy to follow the instructions."
"How do you spin these stools? I can't make it high enough for my carefully selected pose!" 
"Oh just press the button. Ok, arrange face, keep eyebrows down and for the love of God, don't grimace, pout or smile!"
"Wouldn't it be great if photo booths had filters?"
"Ooooh, my tan looks good!"
"How many chances do I get? I mean this one's ok but I could do better. What if I mess the next one up though and that's my last chance?"
"Oh it'll do, yes fine! Print them!"
"Can I just have a little snooze in the corner here? I'm so sleeeeeeepy!"

Stream of Consciousness - Passport Photos

"Ugh, there's people outside, I'll have to get up."
"Oooooh they're printing! Maybe the printing process miraculously rewinds the years?"
"Holy mother of....what went wrong? I'm so orange....! Too much bronzer to hide the hangover - I'm neon!" 
"Speaking of hangover, I'm in a supermarket. These will have to bring me the carbs...!"

Have a beautiful day, inside and out

Tori xx

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