Sunday, 15 April 2018

You don't just lose a baby...

You don’t just lose a baby when you lose a baby.

You lose the hope of building your own family. After the journey you went through, this is a bitter ending.

You lose the trust in your body to carry, nurture and nourish another life, another heartbeat.

You lose your zest for life.

You lose your easy smile and careless laughter.

You lose your naïveté - I know all mommas to be worry about the worst case...but when that worry has become real and you hear those words - you’ll never get back the naïveté of carrying a baby, having scans, buying the first baby grow and planning your life around a due date. Your scans will forever be cushioned in anxiety and panic. You’ll never quite believe you’re going to actually have a baby again.

You lose your future. The future you carefully planned when you worked out your due date. The Christmas you were going to have with a ten week old. Your first birthday as a mother. Your first Mother’s Day was spent in a haze of grief.

You lose your belief in happy ever after.

You lose your excitement. Hubs said the saddest thing, “I got carried away when you said you were pregnant - I believed it 100%. I’ll never get carried away again.” And he’s right. We will never get carried away again.

You lose a piece of your heart to the baby you carried but never birthed. A piece of your heart that will never get back.

You don’t just lose a baby when you lose a baby.

To our little tadpole - you were carried for a moment but you’ll be loved for a lifetime.

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